TVEET posted: Jooly 20, 2010 10:35 Persian Standard Time

Akording to de Law of Attraktion, you get vhat you tink abowt, vether you vant it or not. so tink abowt good tings. Jimmy Vestvood, At Your Service

TVEET posted: Jooly 15, 2010 2:22 Persian Standard Time

my tertel, Jafar, is not psykick

TVEET posted: Jooly 14, 2010 6:05 Persian Standard Time

oh my gosh, i just looked up MILF in my urban dickshenery

TVEET posted: Jooly 14, 2010 12:21 Persian Standard Time

i nominate Joe Pesci to be de CEO of Biritish Petroleom, and Harvey Keitel to be in charge of clean-up operayshenz

TVEET posted: Jooly 14, 2010 7:42 Persian Standard Time

itz dat time of year again. i am hereby svitcheeng ferom Haines breefs back to Froot of de Loom boxer shorts for more venteelayshen

TVEET posted: Jooly 13, 2010 8:55 Persian Standard Time

I tink i am in love vith de Espanish golkeeper's gerlferend

TVEET posted: Jooly 11, 2010 11:09 Persian Standard Time

dat Psykick Octopussy iz a Genios!!

TVEET posted: Jooly 10, 2010 3:13 Persian Standard Time

de estage iz set: de Orange Dutchmen of Holland verses de vild Espaniards of España: Van Persie verses Villa, maryjuana verses paella, redlite distrikt verses Ibiza, Vincent Van Goh verses Pablo Pikasso, easy bicycle riders verses kerazy bull-fighters! may de best von vin!

TVEET posted: Jooly 9, 2010 4:41 Persian Standard Time

Paul de Psykick Octopussy ferom Jermany has peeked Espain in his tank, but Mani de Genios Parakeet ferom Singapoor has peeked Holland in his cage. Meanvhile PETA vants both of dem to be set free ferom captivitee…

TVEET posted: Jooly 7, 2010 8:22 Persian Standard Time

BERAKING NEWZ: MAGNITOOD 5.4 ERTHQUAKE IN VESTVOOD -- Homayoun's mother evakuated our bilding vith her fur coat, tinking it vaz Armaggedon. tanks god, der haz been no major damage to report at Musik Box, Atari or Ross Dress For Less. Jimmy Vestvood, At Your Service.

TVEET posted: Jooly 4, 2010 12:15 Persian Standard Time

happie Forth of Jooly to everyvon. Me and Maman vill gonna go to Santa Monika Pier to vatch de firevorks even dough ve are not Amerikan citizens.

TVEET posted: Jooly 3, 2010 5:36 Persian Standard Time

i am private investeegating de Nashenal Inquirer estory abowt a Monika-Levinsky-vannabe who alleges dat Oscar-vinner Al Gore engaged in a Kobe-estyle solicitashen in a hotel room in Portland, Oregon in 2006. If Gore gets busted den de vorld might be destroyed ferom global varming.

TVEET posted: Joon 26, 2010 10:25 Persian Standard Time

Beel Klinton and Meek Jagger vatched Amerika lose to Afrika in de Vorld Kup. on de brite side, dey got laid vith some hot Eskandanavian cheeks aftervards.

TVEET posted: Joon 17, 2010 7:52 Persian Standard Time

DAILY LAW OF ATTRAKTION AFFERMAYSHEN: i attrakt to me all de tings dat i seek, i live in de vonderfool NOW vhere happie surprizes cum to me every day, i uncondishenally love everyting (except Biritish Petroleum), i give tanks dat i am rich, good-looking and surrounded by beautifool vomen.

TVEET posted: Joon 16, 2010 11:58 Persian Standard Time

SHOWBIZ ALERT: Maygen Fucks got engaged to de guy ferom 90210

TVEET posted: Joon 15, 2010 1:11 Persian Standard Time

de Laker FOB's von de game: Fisher-Odom-Bryant

TVEET posted: Joon 15, 2010 8:53 Persian Standard Time

big game tonite: de Lakerz verses de Boston Selltix. i hope Kim Kardashian's sister gave Lamar Odom a brake last nite so he has some energy left for de game becoz poor Kobe cannot vin all by himself. Maman iz berning Esfand.

TVEET posted: Joon 11, 2010 4:17 Persian Standard Time

Charleez, even dough you never reterned any of my masseges, i estill love yoo ferom your hair down to your toe. von day you vill gonna be mine. von day…

TVEET posted: Joon 10, 2010 12:22 Persian Standard Time

Homayoun and his sister Latifeh (de von who had a von nite estand vith Tiger's Vood at LAX Marriott) are cuming over vith some faloodeh to vatch de Lakerz verses de Boston Selltix. And den toomaro ve vill gonna go to their pelace to vatch de Vorld Kup on Homayoun's 42 incher.

TVEET posted: Joon 5, 2010 11:36 Persian Standard Time

TVEET posted: May 23, 2010 6:27 Persian Standard Time

i vaz gonna go deep under de cover to investeegate Biritish Petroleum, but their headquarters iz not listed under Mapquest. yet anodder Biritish Konspiracy...

TVEET posted: May 22, 2010 10:05 Persian Standard Time

after Shrek, me and Maman teried to esneek into Robin's Hood but ve got busted by de security guard. he confiscated Maman's koo-koo sandviches and ve are now blacklisted ferom going to movies at de Grove {but ve can estill shop at de Grove}. tanks god ve dont live in Arizona or ve vood gonna be deported

TVEET posted: May 22, 2010 8:45 Persian Standard Time

Maman iz making Koo-Koo sandviches. ve vill gonna go see a bargain matiney of Shrek (i hope itz not reelly de final chapter)

TVEET posted: May 13, 2010 9:23 Persian Standard Time

i vanna derive to de site of de Oil espill dizaster vith some very big buckets, feel dem up vith free oil from de gulf and bering dem back to Vestvood and sell dem for von dollar per gallon. itz a vin-vin for everyvon - me, you and de envirement

TVEET posted: May 13, 2010 12:26 Persian Standard Time

NEWZ FLASH: PelayBoy magazine vill gonna have a 3-D centerfold in itz Joon issue on newz estands dis Feriday. i svear to God. tank you Mester Hew Heffner.

TVEET posted: May 10, 2010 7:13 Persian Standard Time

tonite iz de LA Lakerz verses de Utah Mormons. Homayoun is coming over to vatch de game with me, Maman and our tertel, Jafar. Maman iz cooking asheh reshteh vith kashk for us. god-villing, de lakerz vill gonna sveep and den pelay de Feenix Sons in de Final Four.

TVEET posted: May 9, 2010 11:01 Persian Standard Time

Happy Maman's Day to Nayomi Vatts, Angelika Jolie, Heidi Kloom, Mudder Teresa and last but not de least, Maman Vestvood

TVEET posted: May 5, 2010 12:33 Persian Standard Time

i just got my belood test rezults ferom Doktor Eskandarian. my vhite and red belood cells are axellent. my good kolesterol is bad but tanks god my bad kolesterol is good. my sugar is high (dats vhy i am so sveet). my leever, heart and viagra iz top of de line. knock on vood.

TVEET posted: May 2, 2010 5:20 Persian Standard Time

i like desperate housevifes

TVEET posted: May 1, 2010 9:05 Persian Standard Time

ATTENTION HALLY BERRY: please allow me to introdooce myself: Jimmy Vestvood, At Your Service, for all your dating and love-making needs

TVEET posted: Apreel 29, 2010 2:55 Persian Standard Time

VIND ADVISORY: deer everyvon, it vill gonna be very vindy in Vestvood today, vith vinds NorthVest gusting at 35-55 kilometers per hour, so be very carefool, espeshelly if you vear a vig or carpet on your head. Jimmy Vestvood, At Your Service.

TVEET posted: Apreel 25, 2010 3:11 Persian Standard Time

JIMMY'S SELF-AFFIRMAYSHENZ: my beleefs kreate my reality .... i beleeve in unlimited prosperity .... i choose beleefs dat bering me aliveness and growth .... my beleefs kreate good tings for me .... i deserve abundance .... i vill gonna vin de Mega millions lottery.

TVEET posted: Apreel 23, 2010 6:26 Persian Standard Time

after some under de cover perivate investeegating, i have discovered an Amerikan konspiracy against Toyota Motor Corporayshen. Homayoun's Toyota Kamry haz 224,069 miles and iz running just fine. i vill gonna try to get on 60 Minutes to expose my findings. Estay tooned. Jimmy Vestvood, At Your Service.

TVEET posted: Apreel 20, 2010 7:45 Persian Standard Time

today in Vestvood, dis beautifool gerl offered me a free book, 'Diabetics" by L Run Hubberd. i told her my blood sugar level is axellent but she insisted dat i keep de book at no charge. i love dis cuntree.

TVEET posted: Apreel 19, 2010 12:35 Persian Standard Time

on de vay to Palm Esprings, me and Maman took de wrong freevay and ended up in Barstow. insted of Kochella, ve got to vatch de Amerikan Cuntree Musik Avards on TV. ve vill gonna have our komplimentery Kontinental brakefast at de Route 66 Motel and den head back to Vestvood. Yours trooly, Jimmy

TVEET posted: Apreel 17, 2010 5:38 Persian Standard Time

me and Maman are deriving to Kochella musik festival in Palm Esprings to see Eko and de Bunnyman. we got a condo vith a desert view. Homayoun and his sister vill gonna estay vith us.

TVEET posted: Apreel 14, 2010 8:23 Persian Standard Time

BRAKING NEWZ: Larry King has filed for divorce becoz his vife iz getting too old. more later...

TVEET posted: Apreel 12, 2010 11:05 Persian Standard Time

does anyvon out der beleeve in de Reinkarnation of de sole? i am terying to terack down dis dead guy who owes me and Maman some money

TVEET posted: Apreel 10, 2010 9:44 Persian Standard Time

me and Maman are going to Rite Aid to buy some Ben Gay for my back and also get a doubel escoop of Mint Cheep ice creem

TVEET posted: Apreel 6, 2010 7:03 Persian Standard Time

Amerikan Idle...

TVEET posted: Apreel 4, 2010 2:50 Persian Standard Time

I vent on a hot date vith Dr. Eskandarian's secretery, Anahid, who vishes to remain anonymoos. she looked top of de line like Kim Kardashian. after dinner von ting led to anodder and i got to 1st base, and she got to 2nd base (see Urban Dickshenery). i tink she is in love vith me.

TVEET posted: Apreel 1, 2010 9:49 Persian Standard Time

PUBLIK SERVICE ALERT:
deer everyvon, vatch out becoz de Amerikans vill gonna try to fool you today. Jimmy Vestvood, at your service.

TVEET posted: March 31, 2010 1:25 Persian Standard Time

oky doky, i just made a date vith Doktor Eskandarian's Armenian secretery. her name iz Anahid. she said she loves my moosetash. ve are suppozed to go out on Feriday nite after she gets home from de Sports Club. i have to get a Drakkar Noir refill.

TVEET posted: March 30, 2010 2:53 Persian Standard Time

Happy Passover to Esteven Espeelberg and all my Jewvish ferendz. me and Maman vill gonna vatch de 10 Kommandmentz on Netfleeex.

p.s. Esteven, pleez don't forget to remember to answer my letter abowt my movie poroposal. yours trooly, Jimmy

TVEET posted: March 29, 2010 12:35 Persian Standard Time

BRAKING NEWZ: Rickie Marteen is Gay

TVEET posted: March 26, 2010 11:22 Persian Standard Time

i am going to Doktor Eskadarian in Glendale to get a medikal maryjuvana card for my back. not to mention dat his Armenian secretery is hot, like Kim Kardashian. aftervards i vill gonna meat Homayoun for lunch at Raffi's chelokaboby.

TVEET posted: March 24, 2010 7:27 Persian Standard Time

happy berthday Esteve McQueen. i love you.

TVEET posted: March 23, 2010 9:45 Persian Standard Time

yesterday i pulled a big mussel vhile i vaz vorking out. i can't sit down, i can't estand up, i can't lie down. Maman rubbed some Ben Gay and Vicks on my back, and now she iz berning some esfand to vard off de evil eyes vich she says der are very many on facebook.

TVEET posted: March 22, 2010 11:15 Persian Standard Time

now dat Espring iz here, i am hereby svitching from Haines breefs back to Froot of de Loom boxer shorts for more venteelayshen.

TVEET posted: March 20, 2010 2:33 Persian Standard Time

deer everyvon, come cheer for me and Homayoun at de LA Marathon. ve vill gonna be right behind de guy from Kenya…

TVEET posted: March 20, 2010 10:45 Persian Standard Time

happy persian new year everyvon. may all my vishes come troo. and yours too. love, Jimmy

TVEET posted: March 18, 2010 8:41 Persian Standard Time

today iz my tertel, Jafar's berthday. she iz von hundered and tree years old. may she live to be five hundered

TVEET posted: March 17, 2010 2:35 Persian Standard Time

happy St. Patrik's Day to all my Scottish ferendz

TVEET posted: March 17, 2010 11:31 Persian Standard Time

iz having a Persian kontinental brakefast: sangak bread, Bulgarian cheez, albaloo jam and hot chaee...

TVEET posted: March 16, 2010 2:38 Persian Standard Time

JIMMY'S CITIZENSHEEP TRIVIA: de Pilgrims came to Amerika on a big sheep called de Mayflover, not for de good veather here but to praktice religious freedom. i svear to God!

TVEET posted: March 15, 2010 11:47 Persian Standard Time

Kate Vinslet haz broken up vith her huzband. i tink Leonardo had someting to do with dis. i vill gonna investeegate and report back to you. Jimmy Vestvood, At Your Service.

TVEET posted: March 12, 2010 12:59 Persian Standard Time

i did some perivate investeegating and found out dat M&M estole all his lyriks from de Urban Dickshenery...

TVEET posted: March 12, 2010 2:44 Persian Standard Time

tanks god its Feriday de 12th not Feriday de 13^th

TVEET posted: March 11, 2010 11:05 Persian Standard Time

Carla Bruni says Perezident Sarkozy iz not like Tigers Vood. he iz faithfool.

TVEET posted: March 5, 2010 12:42 Persian Standard Time

deer Miss Lakshmi, de Goddess of Abundance and Money:
tank you for de estock market rally dis veek. i made von hundered feefty dollars so far. knock on vood. Now pleez help me find a good job, a reel Amerikan case. Namasti

TVEET posted: February 26, 2010 3:55 Persian Standard Time

ATTENTION TIGERS VOOD: i have good newz for you. even dough Gatorade and all your esponsors are dropping you like pancakes, my client, Morad's Mercedez Benz & Notary, iz villing to hire you for a commershal. all you have to do iz vear a nice soot and say: "Buy two Mercedez Benz, Get von free". if you are interested, masseg me.

TVEET posted: February 22, 2010 1:22 Persian Standard Time

today i got two tickets from a Police officer in Hollyvood for talking on my cellfon vith Maman vhile riding on my eskooter thru a Deer Crossing zone. doez anyvon know a 'Persian' traffik school? (cash under de table)

TVEET posted: February 19, 2010 6:26 Persian Standard Time

finally Tiger's Vood sed sorry to his fans, to his esponsors and to his vife but he forgot to say sorry to Homayoun’s sister Latifeh for dat nite at de LAX Marriott

TVEET posted: February 17, 2010 7:15 Persian Standard Time

JIMMY'S VEEKLY TRIVIA:
de ferst RAP song to hit #von on de Amerikan chartz vas sung by a belond voman named Belondie. i swear to God.

TVEET posted: February 16, 2010 7:18 Persian Standard Time

Maman vaz berning some Esfand for Kobe ven de esmoke detecter Alarm vent off, and de Amerikan neybers called nine von von, and now de Vestvood Fire Department iz here, and i got to go...

TVEET posted: February 12, 2010 11:30 Persian Standard Time

vith Valentinez Day dis Sunday, i vonder to myself, "vich iz more better, "to love somevon OR to be loved by somevon?" .... i tink a very famous filosofer answered dat ques-shen vonce but i forget vhat he sed....

TVEET posted: February 11, 2010 12:43 Persian Standard Time

de Fox tells de Littel Prince dat hiz rose on Asteroid B612 iz unique and especial becoz she iz de von dat he loves.

TVEET posted: February 9, 2010 7:06 Persian Standard Time

NEWZ ALERT: FLASH FLOOD VARNING IN VESTVOOD, betveen Musik Box and Shamshiri restorant. Everyvon pleez be carefool. Jimmy Vestvood, At Your Service.

TVEET posted: February 6, 2010 9:09 Persian Standard Time

anodder Amerikan Super Bowel veekend vith a Persian televizion set....

TVEET posted: February 4, 2010 12:15 Persian Standard Time

oh my gosh, i just reelyzed dat i only have 10 dayz to fall in love befor Valentine's Day.

TVEET posted: January 27, 2010 8:44 Persian Standard Time

i quit HukelBarry Feen after Chapter Tree. it vaz too confiuzing, prejedis and also very bad Engleesh. so de lady at de Vestvood Pubic Liberary rekommended anodder book called de Littel Prince written by a French Italian Catholik guy Antonio de Saint someting. itz a grate book, under von hundered pages vith a lot of peekchairs.

TVEET posted: January 20, 2010 5:35 Persian Standard Time

i miss chanting vith de Harry Krishnas at Veteran Park....

TVEET posted: January 19, 2010 11:22 Persian Standard Time

BRAKING NEWZ: TSUNAMI VARNING IN VESTVOOD -- deer everyvon, i did some perivate investeegating and found out dat der iz a Category Von Hoorycane approaching Vestvood at 2 o'clock Persian Estandard Time. Pleez be carefool. Jimmy Vestvood, At Your Service

TVEET posted: January 17, 2010 9:16 Persian Standard Time

me and Maman are taking a bus to Hotel Hilton for de Golden Glob Avardz red carpet show. i vanna get Charleez Teron's cellfon # and Maman vantz to get Leo's signachair. pleez toon in later for my full tape-delayed coverage of de vinnerz and loserz.

TVEET posted: January 14, 2010 12:51 Persian Standard Time

just fineeshed chapter von of HukelBarry Feen...

TVEET posted: January 13, 2010 10:25 Persian Standard Time

Maman, pleez estop feeding Kabob to Jafar behind my back. i am not estupid, de poor tertel haz gained 7 kilograms in von month and can hardly move. you alredy killed von tertel, izn't dat enuff? if you don't estop, i vill gonna report yoo to PETA. love, Jimmy

TVEET posted: January 13, 2010 9:23 Persian Standard Time

deer everyvon, pleez if you can, take von minute to make a donation to victims of de earthquake in Haiti. tank you and god beless you, Jimmy

TVEET posted: January 12, 2010 3:57 Persian Standard Time

oh my gosh, i just found out dat poor Homayoun and his family got berned by a Persian Fonzi skeem. son-of-a-gun...

TVEET posted: January 11, 2010 11:15 Persian Standard Time

i saw dis gerl today at Terador Jo's .... oh oh oh oh ..... i vant to Gooogle her for brakefast ....Yahoo her for lunch .... Eskype her for dinner .... and Bing her for dessert

TVEET posted: January 9, 2010 4:21 Persian Standard

itz been almost 2 months since me and Maman vere busted at Costco and blackleested for using Homayoun's membersheep card. ve vill gonna tery to get in agayn dis veekend vith Parvaneh's card, to persoo our Amerikan dream of buying a flat-escreen television system.

TVEET posted: January 8, 2010 22:28 Persian Standard

i need a brake man. for my next vakation i vanna go to de Virgin I-lands (vith my binokulars).

TVEET posted: January 7, 2010 3:47 Persian Standard

today i vent to Vestvood Pubic Liberary and checked out HukelBarry Feen. it iz an Amerikan novel vritten by dis very old guy named Mark Tvain (i tink de poor guy keeled himself). i vill gonna estart reeding it tonite...

TVEET posted: January 6, 2010 10:02 Persian Standard

deer everyvon, az you have herd, i vill gonna go on a date vith Sandy aka SandNinja khanom dis veekend. i am tinking of taking her to mini-chair golf first, den to Cheezcake Fucktory for dinner and aftervards to Jamba Jooce for a nightcap (vith a protein boost). vhat do yoo tink?

TVEET posted: January 4, 2010 21:07 Persian Standard

doez anyvon know how i can get on de Bachelor on ABC?

TVEET posted: January 3, 2010 9:17 Persian Standard

i am listening to de Lakers vs. de Dallas Cowboys on de radio, vhile Maman geeves me her especial hair rejuveenation treetment: raw eggs, halva, krushed valnuts, khorma, avokado, kokonut oil and sholeh zard. i am estarving....

TVEET posted: December 31, 2009 19:41 Persian Standard

tonite me and Maman vill gonna party like itz 1999

TVEET posted: December 28, 2009 9:17 Persian Standard Time

i vonder sometimez: vatz it all for? no matter how hard i tery, my Amerikan dreamz are not cuming troo. de vorld can be so krool and unuzual. i am very very depressed rite now...

TVEET posted: December 26, 2009 7:23 Persian Standard Time

i vant to reed an Amerikan book. doez anyvon have any suggestions? tanks, Jimmy

TVEET posted: December 25, 2009 11:36 Persian Standard Time

deer everyvon, i have decided to svitch from Haines breefs to Froot of de Loom boxer shorts for more venteelation. yours trooly, Jimmy

TVEET posted: December 24, 2009 6:50 Persian Standard Time

to all my Amerikan and Armenian ferendz: happy Kristmas and merry new year

TVEET posted: December 23, 2009 9:24 Persian Standard Time

you know the Kiristmas Tree? i did some perivate investeegating and found out dat de Amerikans estole de idiya from us!! Ancient Persians decorated de Savre (cypress tree) in celebrayshen of Yaldaa (vinter solsteece) vith children wrapping their vishes in silk and hanging dem on de tree. i svear to god!!

TVEET posted: December 20, 2009 21:06 Persian Standard Time

so everyting vaz going grate at de blackjack table. de blonde vaz giving me de eye, i got two aces, and den suddenly out of de blue, de blonde told me to esplit. can you believe it? vhat did i do?! you vomen are very veird.

TVEET posted: December 20, 2009 11:30 Persian Standard Time

LAS VEGAS UPDATE: tanks god Maman vaz releesed from Reno Medikal Center & Casino. ve missed our bus to Vestvood so ve vill gonna estay here von more nite. oky doky, i got to go now, der iz a hot blonde at de blackjack table. more later...

TVEET posted: December 19, 2009 18:54 Persian Standard Time

BRAKING NEWZ: TRAGEDY IN LAS VEGAS. Zeegfreed's Tiger esniffed de kotlet sandvich in Maman's purse and vent for it. Maman iz being treeted at de Reno Medikal Center & Casino. everyvon pleez prey for her.

TVEET posted: December 19, 2009 12:33 Persian Standard Time

i love de Sluts at Paris. dey are only 25 cents. de Sluts at Ceaser's Palace are too expensive, von dollar minimum.

TVEET posted: December 19, 2009 8:41 Persian Standard Time

der vaz a meex up at Circus Circus and insted of two tvin beds dey gave us von queen, so i coodn't esleep last nite becoz Maman vaz esnoring like der vas no toomaro morning. ve also missed de free kontinental brakefast at 5 am. more later...

TVEET posted: December 18, 2009 22:26 Persian Standard Time

Vacation Auto Response: deer everyvon, me and Maman vill gonna be avay in Las Vegas. don't vorry, vhat happenz in Las Vegas vill not gonna estay in Las Vegas. i vill gonna give you estatus update report if i find a compooter at Circus Circus. yours trooly, Jimmy

TVEET posted: December 17, 2009 5:14 Persian Standard Time

oky doky, az you may have herd, me and Maman vill gonna to Las Vegas toomaro for de veekend. Circus Circus hotel haz a pakage deel: tree nites for von hundred dollars vith feefty dollars back in cheeps and free kontinental brakefast from 5-5:30 am.

TVEET posted: December 16, 2009 10:39 Persian Standard Time

oh my gosh, i just found out dat Homayoun's sister, Latifeh, had a von nite estand vith Tiger Voods at de LAX Mariott (across from Budget rent-a-car). but she vishes to remain anonymoos, so don't tell anyvon.

TVEET posted: December 15, 2009 2:47 Persian Standard Time

just vhen i tawt de tertel episode vaz closed, i get bombarded by all kindz of threats and petitions. de TCLU (Tertel Civil Leeberties Union) vants to take Jafar from my custody and set her free; PETA has filed a restraining order against Maman (dey heard about de kabob); de TADL (Tertel Anti-Dafamation Leegue) has filed a motion claiming sat naming her Jafar vill gonna cause sykologikal damage to her.ed a motion claiming dat naming her Jafar vill gonna cause sykological damage to hered a motion claiming dat naming her Jafar vill gonna cause sykological damage to her. more below...

TVEET posted: December 14, 2009 6:00 Persian Standard Time

don't you vorry about a ting, coz every little ting vill gonna be allrite.

TVEET posted: December 13, 2009 11:07 Persian Standard Time

i changed my profile peekchair on de Facebook to Sharen Estone and i got von hundred ferend requests in von day. you horny basterds you know who you are

TVEET posted: December 11, 2009 19:54 Persian Standard Time

i have been hired by de BBC {Barbari Bread Company} to investeegate de Vonder Bread for price gauging, running a monopoly at Ralphs supermarkets and obstruktion of justice for Persian breads. i vill gonna keep you posted. yours trooly, Jimmy

TVEET posted: December 10, 2009 4:03 Persian Standard Time

it vaz de closest elektion since 2000. "JAFAR" iz de name of my new tertel, even tho Maman just found out dat it iz a female. De peepel have voted and their vote vill gonna count vhether or not dey like it.

TVEET posted: December 9, 2009 1:30 Persian Standard Time

Ask not vhat de holidayz vill gonna do for you - ask vhat YOU vill gonna do for de holidayz

TVEET posted: December 8, 2009 9:23 Persian Standard Time

i did some perivate investigating about dis "LMAO" dat everyvon keeps posting on my Vall. i tink it haz someting to do vith de ex-Prezident of China. vhich means i have a lot of Communist ferends. more later...

TVEET posted: December 7, 2009 20:28 Persian Standard Time

I should have listened to Maman and brushed my teet vhen i vaz growing up. today i vent to de dentist and de son-of-a-tief vanted to charge me von tousand dollars cash for feelling two cavitees. i told him no tank you, i vill gonna feel them myself. so i left, even tho his assistant vas hot

TVEET posted: December 7, 2009 8:13 Persian Standard Time

my couzen iz opening a new dealersheep in Vestvood: Morad's Mercedez Benz & Notary. Buy two Mercedez Benz, get von free {vith valid deriver's license}. Offer expires Kiristmas Day.

TVEET posted: December 5, 2009 7:04 Persian Standard Time

oky doky, i have decided to ask my new Amerikan neybor, Layla, out on a date. maybe for a coffeechino? or minichair golf? no, she might tink i'm a basterd like Tiger Voods. vhat about Shamshiri restaurant? never mind, she iz vegetarian veegan. maybe i take her for some peenuts at GladEstone on Pacifik Coast Highvay? No, it vill probably gonna be too vindy. How abowt de New Moon at de Grove? I am very nervess...

TVEET posted: December 4, 2009 22:24 Persian Standard Time

did some perivate investeegating and found out dat Tiger Voods haz agreed to pay a pre-nuptual ejakulation penalty of $55 million dollars to his vife in return for her showing up at publik avents vith him and faking dat she loves him even tho she hates hiz guts. dat Kobe got off eazy.

TVEET posted: December 2, 2009 7:47 Persian Standard Time

i feel awfoolly sorry for de poor Ukranian synchronized svimmers who vere arrested and charged vith conspiracy for axidentally svimming backvards into de sovereign vaters of Iran.

TVEET posted: December 2, 2009 12:55 Persian Standard Time

dis iz a reminder to vote for de name of my new tertel. polls close on next Vensday Dec. 9 at 12 oclock midnite Persian Estandard Time. so far "Jaffar" iz in de lead, followed by "Bullitt".

TVEET posted: December 1, 2009 1:34 Persian Standard Time

Attention: Tiger Vood's vife. pleez allow me to introdooce myself. Jimmy Vestvood, Perivate Investeegator, At Your Service.

, it vill probably gonna be too vindy. how about New Moon at de Grove? i am very ner-vess.

TVEET posted: November 30, 2009 21:17 Persian Standard Time

deer everyvon, today i reskued a tertel from de 405 freevay off-ramp and have decided to adopt it. i tink he'z estill a baby, von hundred years old maximum. i have not named him yet. pleez let me know if you have any suggestions. yours trooly, Jimmy

TVEET posted: November 29, 2009 7:69 Persian Standard Time

i have been getting some sexy, R-rated masseges in my facebook in-box. her profile peekchair is HOT. oh oh oh oh. i pray to God dat she iz not some guy from Nigeria.

TVEET posted: November 29, 2009 18:02 Persian Standard Time

tanksgod Tanksgiving veekend iz almost over. homayoun betrayed me. i tink ve are under surveyance by Peta for Maman's Torkey especialty. de estock market crashed AND ve vere blacklisted from Costco on Black Friday. not to mention i gained von kilogram dis veekend. az somevon famous vonce said: vhen it rains, it poors.

TVEET posted: November 26, 2009 4:13 Persian Standard Time

Tanksgiving iz a dizaster so far. turnz out Layla (our new neyber) iz a vegeterian veegan from PETA. so Maman's Torky estuffed vith de lambshank and cheeken breast did not vork out very vell for her. meanvhile, Homayoun iz hitting on her. son of a gun. not to mention dat Homayoun's whole family have pieces of torkey estuck in their teet.

TVEET posted: November 25, 2009 7:20 Persian Standard Time

got de Persian flu and am at home recooperating for tomaro's Tanksgiving festivitees. Maman iz cooking a torkey estuffed vith lambshank and cheeken breast. i hope to god dat Homayoun and hiz FOB family do not embaress me in front of our new neybor.

TVEET posted: November 24, 2009 11:11 Persian Standard Time

on behalf of all my guy ferends, my next mission iz to uncover de Secret of Victoria vonce and for all. Jimmy Vestvood, At Your Service.

TVEET posted: November 24, 2009 5:10 Persian Standard Time

vhile i vaz perivate investigating yesterday, Maman vent to meat our new neybor and to invite her over for Tanksgiving. she vill gonna cook her especialty: Torkey stuffed vith lamb shank and cheeken breast. i need to get a Drakkar Noir refill.

TVEET posted: November 22, 2009 6:33 Persian Standard Time

today dis new girl moved into our apartment beelding, into unit 3c down de hall. i vaved hello on my vay to de elevators. She glanced at my moosetash, den esmiled and valked into her unit. i don't know her name but i tink i am in love vith her, even tho i vas vearing my sunglasses

TVEET posted: November 21, 2009 4:50 Persian Standard Time

note to myself: got to get me a real Amerikan case, no more vishy vashy Persian favors for Homayoun, Mr. Parvizi and Mehdi The Butcher.

TVEET posted: November 20, 2009 11:42 Persian Standard Time

Opera Vinfrey, ve vill gonna miss you

TVEET posted: November 19, 2009 18:03 Persian Standard Time

Just got Basik Instinkt from Netfleeex. Vaiting for Maman to go to sleep so i can vatch Sharon Estone vith von hand on de pause button.

TVEET posted: November 19, 2009 9:07 Persian Standard Time

Vhat de hell iz 'LOL'? some estalkers keep posting it all over my Vall on de Facebook. you know who you are. if you don't estop doing dat, i vill gonna report you to de facebook Police. tank you.

TVEET posted: November 18, 2009 19:59 Persian Standard Time

oky doky, datz it, i give up. i did some self-reflektion and realyzed dat not only am i attached to my moosetash but i cannot live on vheatgrass juice and brussell esprouts. i miss Maman's cooking. i am hereby officially leeving de Harry Krishnas, but i learned a grate song

TVEET posted: November 18, 2009 10:01 Persian Standard Time

voke up at 4 a.m. for 2 hours of devotional meditation, followed by 2 hours of devotional chanting (i learned a grate harry krishna song). for breakfast dey gave me von date. i did some investeegation and found out dat ve have brussell sprouts for lunch. i am estarving...

TVEET posted: November 17, 2009 4:44 Persian Standard Time

az somevon famous vonce said, "if der iz a vill, der is a vay". i managed to convince de Harry Krishnas to let me join vith my moosetash by offering dem some Gaz (vhite persian toffee) from Esfahan. dey love it! i am now deep undercover. i vill gonna keep you posted. Jimmy Vestvood, At Your Service

TVEET posted: November 16, 2009 16:14 Persian Standard Time

deer everyvon, i tried to infilterate the Harry Krishnas to investigate de secret to their happyness, but their Vestvood recruitment officer said dat they have a 'no moostash' policy. vhat shood i do?!

TVEET posted: November 16, 2009 12:00 Persian Standard Time

knock on vood, de estock market is on a roll, tanks to Lakshmi de Goddess of Abundance and Money

TVEET posted: November 15, 2009 8:30 Persian Standard Time

Today Homayoun vent to Costco to pick up his confiskated membersheep card and they told him dat me and Maman have not only been reported to de department of homeland security but ve are banned from shopping at Costco on Black Fryday betveen 6 to 10 a.m. Ve are now tinking of applying for political asylum at BestBuy so ve can finally get our flat-escreen television system

TVEET posted: November 14, 2009 7:11 Persian Standard Time

i saw diz Hare Krishnas in my hood, Vestvood. they vere singing & dancing & laughing & chanting and having a grate time. i took a closer look vith my binokulars and they vere not faking it - they vere really happy, enjoying life vithout a care in de vorld. i have decided to infilterate their organization to find de sec...ret of their happiness. i vill gonna report my findings back to you as soon as possible. yours trooly, Jimmy

TVEET posted: November 13, 2009 17:41 Persian Standard Time

I am undergoing Maman's hair growth rejuvination treetment. her especial secret formula is de raw eggs, avocado, halva, extra virgin olive oil, crushed valnuts, kokonut oil and sholeh zard

TVEET posted: November 13, 2009 13:13 Persian Standard Time

you know de unlucky Friday de 13th? de Amerikans estole it from de Sizdah Bedar in ancient Persia. Maman is berning some esfand to vard off de evil eye

TVEET posted: November 12, 2009 16:00 Persian Standard Time

my gosh, my estock portfolio is in trubble today. deer everyvon, pleez go out for a nice coffeechino at eStarbucks, buy an I-Pud shuffle, Gooogooole someting, or go for dinner at Cheezcake Fucktory so dat my 4 estocks vill go back up. tanks, Jimmy

TVEET posted: November 11, 2009 7:07 Persian Standard Time

Parental Varning: dis post iz PG-13 i could not sleep at de motel last nite becoz de couple in de room nextdoor vaz doing all kindz of loud hanky panky like der vas no tomorrow morning. i tink they broke de Guiness Book of Vorld Records. vow. son of a gun. i am going to get my complimentary continental breakfast now

TVEET posted: November 10, 2009 22:26 Persian Standard Time

i am in Palm eSprings Dessert. i took de day off for some espace to cleer my head and figure some tings out. but den it got dark so i checked into a motel and vill gonna sleep here tonite.

TVEET posted: November 9, 2009 11:16 Persian Standard Time

deer everyvon, i got in a big fight vith Maman and have decided to move out and get my own apartment in Vestvood for some privecy. i tink it iz for de best even tho I vill gonna miss her

TVEET posted: November 9, 2009 4:39 Persian Standard Time

note to myself: vater de plant; buy some black socks and a couple vife-beeters; track down Charliz Teron; Drakkar Noir refill; do at least ten pushups and ten pullups every day; get Maman to estop posting on my Vall

TVEET posted: November 8, 2009 7:26 Persian Standard Time

oh my gosh! Googoosh, just became my ferend on de Facebook! i svear to God. dis iz just grate. vow vow vow

TVEET posted: November 7, 2009 9:09 Persian Standard Time

deer everyvon
don't you vorry about a ting, coz every little ting vill gonna be alright

TVEET posted: November 6, 2009 16:00 Persian Standard Time

Me and Maman got busted at Costco. de security officer asked for my ID, and den he confiscated poor Homayoun's membersheep card and kicked me and Maman out. Ve are on our vay to Trader Jo's.

TVEET posted: November 6, 2009 8:05 Persian Standard Time

oky doky, Maman got Homayoun's Costco membersheep card from Shohreh, but Mehdi de Butcher vants to borrow it tomorrow, so i guess ve are going to Costco today.

TVEET posted: November 5, 2009 5:56 Persian Standard Time

it iz not just de ekonomy, my hair is in recession too, i tell you

TVEET posted: November 5, 2009 3:33 Persian Standard Time

i am very frusterated. dis morning my compooter vas invaded by 326 malvare vorms. it took me 5 1/2 hours to search and destroy those basterds. i tink i vill gonna go for some frozen yogert vith Maman to cool down.

TVEET posted: November 4, 2009 10:52 Persian Standard Time

i miss Lucky, my turtel. ve used to vatch Bullitt together. god rest his soul.

TVEET posted: November 4, 2009 10:37 Persian Standard Time

note to myself: borrow homayoun's Costco card

TVEET posted: November 3, 2009 2:49 Persian Standard Time

Serpico was a good honest cop who refused to take de briberies like his fellow corrupt officers. it broke my heart vhen he became a Cuban drugdealer

TVEET posted: November 2, 2009 10:33 Persian Standard Time

deer everyvon, i hereby officially own a piece of de Amerikan pie. today i bought 26 shares of eStarbucks stock, plus 4 shares of Appel, and 33 shares of de Cheezcake Fucktory. god-villing, i vill gonna be rich von day.

TVEET posted: November 1, 2009 8:30 Persian Standard Time

after treet or treeking last night, me and Maman vatched our first Netfleex video: Rozemary's Baby direkted by de Roman Polanskey. oh my gosh, it vas escary!

TVEET posted: Oktober 29, 2009 9:20 Persian Standard Time

Nayomi Vatts is top of de line, I tell you! Oh-oh-oh-oh!

TVEET posted: Oktober 28, 2009 11:39 Persian Standard Time

note to myself: join de Netfleex (2 videos / unlimited pelan); buy Drakkar Noir cologne refill; trim moustache; take Maman to Vhere de Vild Tings Are

TVEET posted: Oktober 28, 2009 1:40 Persian Standard Time

daily self-affermation: did I ever tell you dat you are my hero? You are everyting I vish I could be. I could fly higher dan an eegle, becoz you are de vind beneeth my vings.

TVEET posted: Oktober 26, 2009 10:04 Persian Standard Time

oky doky, i took Maman to Doktor Eskandarian and he prescribed for her some medical maryjuana. oh my gosh! should i test it first to make sure it is safe before giving it to her?

TVEET posted: Oktober 26, 2009 7:42 Persian Standard Time

deer every von, ve almost got eaten by a greezzly bear but Maman smashed him in de head vith our vatermelon. Tanks god ve are home safe.

TVEET posted: Oktober 22, 2009 11:08 Persian Standard Time

Vacation Auto-Response: Me and Maman are going camping. Ve vill gonna be avay from de Facebook social netvorking system untill ve get back. Love, Jimmy

TVEET posted: Oktober 20, 2009 11:08 Persian Standard Time

as my luck vould gonna have it, Crime has been in recession ever since i became a private investigator, down 28% in fiskal quarter 2009. any von out der have a case for me? jimmy vestvood, at your service.

TVEET posted: Oktober 16, 2009 5:45 Persian Standard Time

Just got the autopsy report for my turtle. Poor guy died from boredom. Will gonna bury him tomorrow at Roxbury Park…

TVEET posted: Oktober 15, 2009 20:01 Persian Standard Time

Charlize Teron, did you get my massege? Please facebook me. Don't vorry if it's late, I am a night person, like the owl.

TVEET posted: Oktober 15, 2009 9:59 Persian Standard Time

Charlize Teron, if you are out der, pleez contakt me asap. it iz very urgent. tank you

TVEET posted: Oktober 14, 2009 7:45 Persian Standard Time

Oh my gosh! i just got an emergency email notification that i have inherited $12 million dollars from von of my distant relatives in Nigeria. Dis iz grate! I didn't even know I had family in Nigeria! .... vow, vow vow! .... I vill gonna buy a green Moosetang, and also I vill gonna treat everyvon on facebook to Shamshiri restaurant..een 1968 Moostang and also i vill gonna treat everyvon on Facebook to Shamshiri restaurant

TVEET posted: Oktober 10, 2009 8:42 Persian Standard Time

Today my turtle passed avay. He vas only 237 years old. I vill gonna miss him.

TVEET posted: Oktober 9, 2009 7:11 Persian Standard Time

Dis Svedish Nobel guys are very esneeky. By giving Obama de big Von, they vant to force him to make vorld peace out of roo darvasi (it's an old Persian guilt trip) ... they esteal everything from us!

TVEET posted: Oktober 7, 2009 14:33 Persian Standard Time

Note to myself: vater the plant; be nice to my mother; vait 24 hours before replying to facebook friend requests (so i don't seem desperate)

buy Drakkar Noir cologne

TVEET posted: Oktober 3, 2009 7:11 Persian Standard Time

Today I vent vaterboarding at the beech.

TVEET posted: September 30, 2009 9:12 Persian Standard Time

I bought an I-Pud shuffle today. It is just supertacular! Vow! So far I have downloaded tree songs:

1) Physical by Olivia Elton John

2) You Should Be Dancing by Beee Geees

3) I-Ran by Flock of Seagulls (it is a song about my country)

My ferend Homayoun who vishes to remain anonymous vill gonna download 5 songs for me off of his internal hard drive next veekend. I hope ve don’t get busted by Apple police

TVEET posted: September 27, 2009 11:11 Persian Standard Time

I got a very big scare today: Maman (my mother) vas complaining from chest pains, so I measured her heart rate and, lo and behold, it vas beating at 110 miles per hour. So I rushed her to Vestvood Medical Emergency Center and tanks god it turned out to be a false alarm. She got a hearing aid though, vhich I am very glad because it vill gonna help vith our communication esp. vhen estudying for the citizensheep exam (by the vay, my Filipino friend, Dampog, who vorks at the INS has promised to get me a cheet sheet for my citizensheep exam - but I beg you please don't tell any von).

TVEET posted: September 17, 2009 7:59 Persian Standard Time

Deer every body:

Tank you for all your emails, flowers, postcards and junk mail. I vill gonna get back to all of you as soon as possible.

p.s. all you ladies out there, pleez do not send me any naked peektures because sometimes my mother, Maman, opens my fan mail and it becomes a big embarrassment for me. Tank you for your understanding.

TVEET posted: September 15, 2009 3:06 Persian Standard Time

Vatching the Vheel of Fortune vith my mother (Maman); ve are studying for the citizensheep exam together so ve need to practice our dicktionary. Excuse me von minute…. “BUY A VOWEL, YOU IDIOT, AAAAH!”

TVEET posted: August 32, 2009 5:45 Persian Standard Time

I just espoted a hot belonde cheek on Robertson Boolevard. Oh oh oh oh oh oh. Top of the line vith miniskirt and open toe pomps. Vow. She had a puppy dog she vas estroking under her arm. I vish I could be her puppy. Ruff Ruff!

TVEET posted: August 29, 2009 8:48 Persian Standard Time

I tink I berned my head today. Not like Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial (god rest his soul) but the sunbern. I use de SPF 30 but it vas so hot I estill bern. Maman, my mother, tinks I shood join de hair club for de man. I don’t tink I can afford eet. Pelease let me no vat you tink. Should I get a hare transpelant?

TVEET posted: August 25, 2009 7:45 Persian Standard Time

My estomak hurt. I tink I have de runs!

TVEET posted: August 25, 2009 6:45 Persian Standard Time

I just had von hole packet of tamreh hendi (Persian sveet – even dough eets sour.). Bah bah! Axellent!

TVEET posted: August 23, 2009 8:18 Persian Standard Time

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